god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize