i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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