so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
