You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
