The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
