i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
