Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
