i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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