did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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