nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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