I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
