one might say we're banned from that church
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
