i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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