i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
