I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
