I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Houston, we have a squirter
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
