we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His hands were made for my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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