remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
