I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
