I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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