if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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