She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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