Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
