More tranny stories later!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
