I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is classic penis vs brain.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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