Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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