I cannot find my penis.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
