i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
