twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
