I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
