the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
