I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
