just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
