Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
