Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't put those talents on a resume
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
