9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Floor bacon is actually really good
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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