This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
