Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
