if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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