That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
