i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
