If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize