I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
