My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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