i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Alive.
So much puke
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize