I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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