I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
