mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Green mimosas i think yes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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