I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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