After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Welp...herpes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
