My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
