Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
