she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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