I accidentally burped into my bong.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
