he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do flat chested girls get laid?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
