So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
