last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
