Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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