I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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