Little spoons don't ask big questions
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
