i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
