you're like a bully in the Christmas story
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
