I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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